Who Am I?

I read something I've read quite a few times before but it stuck out this morning.

But moses said to God, "who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" And God said, "I will be with you." A different version reads, who am I that I should be a "pastor" to people in Colorado, and God still answers back I will be with you.

I don't know if you have ever felt the way I do, I assume probably you have, but sometimes I wonder how I could possible make a difference, or why it should be me making a difference, or for that matter if I have anything to offer anyone anywhere.

Now I am not a guy who lacks self confidence. I grew up thinking I could do anything, and in spite of myself, God allowed me to see things happen. I was able to be a leader in my class and school from a young age. I was able to be on a team that won the highest tournament our division offered after winning state. I was actually even the mvp for that tournament. I had confidence to get dates. I guess looking back at it I was Josh, Aarons younger brother, or Josh the Athlete, Josh the class president, Josh the leader, or Josh the good looking guy (alright maybe I made that one up).

The thing I have realized though is those things are so small, and in fact they fade so fast. My high school has since changed names and along with that wiped away all the history. The only thing left there from my time is a banner hanging on an old bus barn, and that probably won't be there much longer either. I didn't pan out in college as an athlete. And my identity switched from what I was good at in my small bubble to what I did for work, and even that has become something new to which I am constantly learning. You could say I'm not quite as "good" or comfortable at doing what I do compared to what I used to do, and I wonder if I should be something different.

All this to say that there are days when I say, "God who am I?" Which leads me to say, "God who am I without you?" But you know what I am learning that that is exactly where I want to be. Nothing more, nothing less than who God made me. I know it is easy to say but I am also learning that I can't do anything on my own. I get frustrated, selfish, and my world starts to implode. But when I tell God alright You do it. You lead. You talk. I need your wisdom, guidance, provision. It's all about You. That is were I find Peace, Confidence, Joy, Leadership, Love, Contentment, Satisfaction, and ultimately that is were I find me, because I have found Him. Why should I trust God, His plan, His will, where He has me. He knows me better than I know myself. And he tells me, "I will be with you!"

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. Psalm 139:13-14

Brotha From Another Motha

A new friend emailed a few weeks back asking if I could help him move. Since I understand what a HUGE blessing people have been in helping me move I readily agreed. It's kind of interesting because when you help someone move you get to meet all their other friends, or should I say true friends:) It was neat meeting all these new people, but one stood out. He was genuinely a neat guy. We didn't get a chance to talk a ton, but we did put a crib together for the family that was moving in. After quickly tying a few of the ties on the crib and noticing he was neatly tying the bows on his side I decide to redo mine.

It wasn't till about a week later after talking with his friend that in I learned a bit more about this guy. It turns out he lost his only son during birth within this last year, along with other difficulties has lost his wife too. When I heard this I almost began to cry. I didn't even really know this guy, but my heart broke for him. And then I only learned more about him. How he noticed his friends who had a baby almost the same age were a bit more quiet about there son, so he reassured them that it was a blessing to him to hear them talk about their son.

I think the thing that stood out to me was his heart. His unwavering desire to follow Christ, and his total dependence on Him to keep moving forward. His friend that was walking through this whole thing with him, because of this bond they both had. It was like they were family. That's what it means to be a fellow Christ follower. That's what this family thing God talks about means. God thanks for brothers from other mothers.

First 14er Mt Bierstadt